I can still remember her last birthday and Christmas before she died. In past years, I had always bought her coffee and chocolate for her birthday ( once I tried to buy her nice soap and learned not to, instead of using it, she put it on a dish and told me it was just too pretty to use ), and books for Christmas. My Grandma loved to read, and she loved quality coffee, she just would not spend the money on it herself. That last year though, I sat in front of the books at Barnes and Noble, tears in my eyes, knowing she may or may not ever read it. My Grandma had lung and brain cancer, I knew her time was short.
That year, for the first time in my adult life, I did not buy my Grandma books for Christmas. I still bought her the coffee and chocolates for her birthday. but for Christmas I opted for something I knew she would actually get some use out of. My Grandma also loved flowers, so that year I bought her a beautiful Christmas floral arrangement. When I talked to her on the phone, she told me that she just loved the flowers so much but my heart just ached. Grief is funny that way, I was grieving long before my Grandma passed. I started grieving the day I heard that she was dying.
Ever since she passed, the holiday season has been hard on me. Having her birthday so close to Christmas, and not having her here is just plain hard. I miss her so fiercely. If your reading this, and you still have your Grandparents, do me a favor. Love them with all you have, because trust me, it leaves a hole when they are gone.
So happy birthday Grandma. Today I will read a book and think of you, drink some coffee and remember how much you loved the good stuff, maybe have some chocolate cake, because I know you loved it. I miss you.
